I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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