Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
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That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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