I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
