That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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