Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
