and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
