Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
