i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
