is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
