remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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