I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
