Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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