TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
