Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
