brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
