I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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