Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
