You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
