Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We were destined to go to rehab together
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
