"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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