Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
