she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
