My hand turned me down
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
