Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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