Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
