I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
