you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
