was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
