Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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