i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
