You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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