the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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