And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
