If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
