I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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