He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
