It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
