I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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