oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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