By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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