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I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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