I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
