If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
