i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
