You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
