people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize