I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
