i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
