I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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