The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
