i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
