As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
