For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
