I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
