Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So. Much. Porn.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
