ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
