You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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