Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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