can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
