We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
