dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
