i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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