she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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