A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
