I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
