he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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