I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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