well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
