Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The struggles of a small town man whore
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
