He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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