dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
