sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
